I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well you can't waste a boner
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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