Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
