Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
