Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
