got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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