I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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