She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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