Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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