its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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