somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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