drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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