The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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