I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
