I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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