Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
