im having a threesome with these popsicles
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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