Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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