the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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