im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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