you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
