I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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