Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
