he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
