My friends, they love my intelligence
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
