I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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