i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who died my cat blue again?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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