someone threw a dead crab at me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
