Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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