what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
