Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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