I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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