dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
