so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
being pregnant is like rehab
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
