Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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