something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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