i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
