hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
