Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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