don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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