Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
