Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
