I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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