The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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