I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
