i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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