dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
