I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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