You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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