Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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