I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
