It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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