I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
