I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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