3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
