i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
