were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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