I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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