my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
