My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
