Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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