Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
