we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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