Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Damn victory sex feels great
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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