Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
