guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We named our party play list daddy issues
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
