Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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