so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
