There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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