she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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