talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
