Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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