these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
