How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
