this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
