20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
