dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
