at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
