umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
